God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
