U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
