The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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