You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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