My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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