Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
