Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
