You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
