Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
