She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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