What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
