I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
