I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
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and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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