If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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