I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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