girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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