I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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