11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
