I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
