I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
