While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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