Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
