I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
