Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
