I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
