he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
