The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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