Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
