a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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