Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
