Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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