If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
