Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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