Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
