Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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