I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
