i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
