I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
