I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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