people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
