Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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