I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
