if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
