think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
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i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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