the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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