Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
