Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
