If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Sober January is a disaster.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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