She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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