Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
