you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
