Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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