i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
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You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
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It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left