Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card. http://tfl.nu/fah6
  Replies (47) Good night (5178) Bad night (1043)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  It'll hurt less than being alone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much (1-407): It'll hurt less than being alone http://tfl.nu/6ydx
  Replies (12) Good night (4732) Bad night (1323)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door.. http://tfl.nu/c547
  Replies (20) Good night (697) Bad night (4388)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation http://tfl.nu/w0jl
  Replies (9) Good night (6875) Bad night (1158)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all. http://tfl.nu/v9t7
  Replies (6) Good night (3008) Bad night (977)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ? http://tfl.nu/dlrl
  Replies (12) Good night (1274) Bad night (2603)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him http://tfl.nu/pmln
  Replies (11) Good night (2380) Bad night (1261)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it? http://tfl.nu/yhoj
  Replies (9) Good night (1882) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit? http://tfl.nu/zvq6
  Replies (9) Good night (2705) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her http://tfl.nu/a25x
  Replies (4) Good night (868) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman. http://tfl.nu/hp7f
  Replies (0) Good night (938) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk http://tfl.nu/w9ix
  Replies (2) Good night (549) Bad night (360)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever. http://tfl.nu/l0yy
  Replies (4) Good night (587) Bad night (312)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit. http://tfl.nu/fz3t
  Replies (3) Good night (732) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy. http://tfl.nu/et8w
  Replies (4) Good night (448) Bad night (243)

Randomize