So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
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I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
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Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"