Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.