so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My breasts were aching with rage.