Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
