Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
