SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
