We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
