I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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