We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
