In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So much rum. So many feels.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
