i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
do nipples grow back?
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