What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
