I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
