Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
don't judge my taste in strippers
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
