Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
