The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
