this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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