that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
