I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
