In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
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i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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