My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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