the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
