it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
